Most people are familiar with the concept of "fight or flight" as it’s what happens to our body when we are under stress, including increased heart rate and breathing, raised blood pressure, and shutting down the functions of digestion. This is the sympathetic nervous system, but to make things simple we'll call it the stress response. It's the body's equivalent of setting off a fire alarm - it gets everyone's attention and shifts the priority from everyday tasks to short-term survival. And while it's very important to have a functioning fire alarm, if it's going off constantly then it can cause a lot of problems.
While the stress response gets a lot of attention, the relaxation response (aka the parasympathetic nervous system or “rest and digest”) is the unsung hero when it comes to healing and maintaining well-being. Our relaxation response prioritizes more long-term functions of the body like digestion, recovery, cell repair, and reproduction. Our bodies naturally prefer to operate in the relaxation response and the stress response is designed only as a backup for when we feel we are in danger.
We can encourage our relaxation response by doing things that are calming and sustainable for our health. For example, prioritizing sleep, eating a balanced diet, avoiding toxins, reducing screen time, getting massage and/or acupuncture, meditation, breathing exercises, positive affirmations, stretching, moderate exercise, being in nature, and connecting with loved ones, just to name a few.
Unfortunately modern life, and especially motherhood, can be incredibly overstimulating. It can feel like the fire alarm is constantly going off and in some cases it can even get stuck there, making it incredibly difficult to calm down and relax.
In these cases it is still helpful to do all of those calming and sustainable activities, but you might need some fast-acting help to nudge your body back into that relaxation response. Here are some simple tips that can really help the body to flip that switch back where it belongs.
Remember, most any kind of gentle stretching works to encourage the relaxation response, so there's no wrong way to do this.
The psoas, in particular, can be very effective because we tend to guard this deep core muscle during the stress response. This can cause it to be chronically tight and signal the body that we are still in the stress response. Because of that, a gentle stretch of this hip flexor feels deeply and supportively relaxing.
This muscle is difficult to feel with your hands because it is so deep within the abdomen. It runs from the vertebrae of the low back down through the pelvis and connects to the femur at the inner thigh.
There are several methods to stretch the psoas, but one of the simplest involves lying on your side with legs stacked, bending the top leg at the knee, and pulling your foot toward your buttocks until you feel a gentle stretch (not just in your quads/front thigh but deeper into your hips and into your core.) No need to strain or overextend, if it doesn’t feel comfortable then you might need to try stretching your psoas in a different position.
Also called box breathing, this is one of the simplest breathing exercises there is. Here's how it works: breath in for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, breath out for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, repeat as needed. I usually find that 1-2 minutes of doing this can slow my heart rate and bring me out of a stress response.
This one sounds a bit weird but it actually works. 75% of all nerve fibers used by our body's relaxation response originate from the vagus nerve, which travels from the brain down into the body along the sides of the neck.
Cold exposure has been proven to regulate our relaxation response, and while you might not have a cold plunge pool or a cryotherapy chamber on hand, pretty much anyone can find an ice cube or cold pack nearby. Just place it under your ear for 1-2 minutes until you feel calmer.
These are incredibly effective at stimulating the relaxation response, while high-frequency sounds and vibrations have the opposite effect by stimulating the stress response.
So listening to calming music, nature sounds, white noise, gongs or singing bowls, and especially binaural beats in the theta range (you can look these up on youtube) work great. But making your own low-frequency sounds and vibrations is an even simpler way to get the job done. This includes humming, singing, or even gargling.
Our sense of smell takes a shortcut to the brain through the limbic system, making it one of the quickest (we are talking fractions of a second) ways to have an effect on the nervous system. The limbic system controls 3 main things - emotions, memory, and behavior (via balancing the stress/relaxation responses.) So that makes the sense of smell a powerful tool when we are looking to quickly regulate how we are feeling.
It’s important to use only all natural and pure essential oils, since synthetic fragrances or additives can disrupt hormones. Choose an oil and/or blend that you like, because even if you find a study about why one oil works the best, it won't be effective for you if you simply don't like the scent. Use your oil or blend during relaxing activities to build a positive neural association with it. For example, use it while you are stretching, doing yoga, getting ready for bed, you can even bring it into an acupuncture or massage session to really drive home the signal to your brain that this smell equals relaxation response.
The oil or blend you chose will be unique to you. Some of my favorites are ylang ylang, lavender, chamomile, rose, jasmine, neroli, cedar, pine, or vetiver. If you aren't familiar with essential oils you may want to talk with someone who is for more direction. You can use a spray, nasal inhaler, diffuser, or you can even just carry the bottle with you and sniff from there. Some oils are suitable for topical use, but typically they have to be properly diluted first.
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